Scarlett Johansson Hacker Sentenced to 10 years, awarded Presidential Medal of Freedom

By Matt Stickles

The man who hacked the personal accounts and publicized nude photos of Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis, and Christina Aguilera has been sentenced to ten years in jail as well as awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Christopher Chaney, the 35 year old Jacksonville, Florida resident, was both sentenced as well as praised for his crimes last week.

In a joyful statement, President Obama said, “Chaney has committed serious violations of these celebrities personal privacy; however, given the tough times our great nation has faced recently, he deserves praise for his heroic efforts and sacrifice in showing us nude photos of arguably some of the hottest chicks in Hollywood.”

The award ceremony was held just after Chaney had left the courthouse. The President wrapped the medal around his neck and said, “On behalf of your fellow citizens, I thank you for your courageous and selfless service in embarrassing these over-paid and over-celebrated assholes. You have brought them one step closer to the cold, soulless reality of the world that we all know.”

A confused Christopher Chaney then boarded a bus to the prison in which he would serve out his ten year sentence.

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