By Dr. Alex J. Foot NEW YORK — Online dictionary website “Dictionary.com” crashed on Friday after 250 million Americans rushed to look up the definition of the word “Optimal.” This came after President Barack Obama appeared on the Daily Show to describe the situation after the Benghazi attacks in Libya. “If four Americans get killed, [...]
By Howard Zaharoff WEST PALM BEACH, FL — As voters prepare to elect the nation’s next President, they know almost all they need to make an intelligent choice, including Mitt Romney’s incredibly detailed “5 Point Plan” – which is twice as detailed as his Earlier “2.5 Point Plan” and 500% more detailed than the original “1 [...]
By S.G. Lawrence STOCKHOLM – Swedish furniture giant IKEA has just released its newest fall line of assemble-it-yourself furniture: the Obama “Empty Chair” Series. Unsatisfied by the limited success of its 2008 “Embrace the Change” campaign featuring cheap Oval-Office style home furniture, the iconic Scandinavian furniture retailer announced that its “Obama Empty Chairs” would capitalize on Clint Eastwood’s [...]
By Pietro Francisco CHARLOTTE — Following his latest gaffe on the campaign trail, Vice President Joe Biden has finally admitted to what most Americans have suspected since he took office; he is actually a double agent planted by the Republican National Committee to repeatedly embarrass the Democratic Party and sabotage the re-election campaign of President [...]
By Brett Kaplan WASHINGTON—After her father chastised Congress for its inability to work on deadlines, Malia Obama, President Obama’s oldest daughter, has announced her last-minute intention to run in the 2012 Congressional Election. “I think my dad really got it right when he spoke to them the other day,” said the 12-year-old Malia. “My homework [...]
THE ILIAD By Boehner BOOK I SING, O ROMNEY, the anger of Newt Gingrich, husband of Jackie, no-no, Marianne, wait-wait, Callista, that brought countless ills upon the Republicans. Many a brave pollster did he send hurrying down to Georgia and South Carolina, and many a hero sandwich did they prey upon, like dogs and [...]
By S.G. Lawrence CHARLOTTE, N.C.— After Democrats reinstated God and Jerusalem back into the Democratic convention platform Wednesday amidst three rounds of boisterous “No” votes and raucous Boos from over half of the Convention’s seated attendees, top Democrat officials decided to take matters by the proverbial “Rahm’s” horns in an effort to restore some semblance of dignity [...]
By Steven Tobiasz WASHINGTON — Democrats across the country paused in fear early this morning as the tank that is believed to contain the basis for all liberal ideology sprung a massive leak. Around 2 AM EST on Wednesday morning, a night security guard began noticing a small crack in the tank’s outer wall, as small [...]
By Steven Tobiasz DES MOINES, IA — Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney regretfully missed a key campaign rally in Iowa on Tuesday afternoon. The Presidential hopeful was scheduled to give a speech to a crowd of more than 5,000 gathered students at the University of Iowa, yet he simply never showed. An aide from the Romney Campaign [...]
By Steve Tobiasz WASHINGTON — Today, the Obama Campaign announced a new fundraiser giving supporters the opportunity to join Vice President Joe Biden for the most important part of his work day – nap time. “Slumber Party with Biden” is the campaign’s last hope for generating enough money to compete with Republican nominee Mitt Romney. [...]
By Chester B. Wonderful WASHINGTON — A massive clusterf@ck of a sex romp has been planned for the day after the nation election, according to secret documents obtained by the Center for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington. Dubbed “The Romp in the Swamp, nearly 1,000 Republicans, Democrats, their lobbyists friends, and staffers will come together [...]
With rumors swirling that her days as DNC chief are numbered, Wasserman-Schultz is pounding the Democratic pavement trying to make herself relevant. By S. G. Lawrence WASHINGTON — After the Obama Campaign unveiled the “Obama Event Registry” which enables young and eager Democrats to direct donations to the Obama 2012 Campaign in lieu of birthday, anniversary or [...]
By S. G. Lawrence NEWARK — Democratic Newark Mayor Cory Booker, who recently described experiencing his “come to Jesus moment” when he raced into a burning Newark home to save an elderly woman and her daughter, has just been added to Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney’s “short list” of 5 likely leading VP candidates. Working [...]
By S. G. Lawrence BOSTON—After revealing Democratic Senate Candidate Elizabeth Warren’s attendance last week at the Cambridge-based meeting of Affirmative Action Abusers Anonymous meeting, The Washington Fancy learned that the Harvard Law professor’s female book group recently placed Jim Fergus’s bestselling novel One Thousand White Women: The Journals of May Dodd at the top of [...]
By S. G. Lawrence JERUSALEM –After reporting on several recent setbacks in Democratic National Committee Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s “Operation NO EXODUS,” The Washington Fancy has now uncovered stunning new developments in the DNC’s continued efforts at rallying disaffected Jewish voters for President Obama’s 2012 re-election campaign. At a press conference held just before the Memorial Day [...]
By Teddy Moss ROME – With Rick Santorum recently bowing out as a GOP candidate, one ambitious politician is trying to seize the day: Gaius Julius Caesar, running as an independent, under the reformed Caesarian party. When asked what prompted his return to politics, after a two thousand year hiatus, Caesar said, “I just thought it was [...]
By Jesse Laura SANFORD, FL — George Zimmerman, the recently jailed killer of Trayvon Martin, has recently added new tattoos to his body while incarcerated. Along with his two brand new additions, he also further elaborated upon already existing ones, claiming, “I was in the process of having them done before I accidentally committed a [...]
Guest Contributor: Robert Glennon, Hingham, MA WASHINGTON — In a surprise announcement today, the U.S. Department of the Treasury awarded a $3.5 billion no-bid contract for a top-secret housing complex with undisclosed nuclear printing technology. The contract awarded to General Electric is expected to meet the nations currency demands well into the 21st century. Acting [...]