By Joe “The Nerd” Ferraro WASHINGTON — Due to the flap in the House of Representatives over the lack of women and minorities in Committee Chair positions, the following Congresspeople will be undergoing sex change operations. Budget – Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) A spokesperson for the former VP Candidate stated that, “Hell – he was [...]
By Joe “The Nerd” Ferraro WASHINGTON — With the reputations of America’s top brass now being marred by extra-marital affairs outside the realm of the military, the Joint Chiefs of Staff are pondering the concept of starting a separate branch to eliminate this crippling flaw. Since the main issue at hand is National Security, the [...]
By Joe “The Nerd” Ferraro WASHINGTON — The Bird is scared. Mitt Romney wants to kill him and he knows it. The last time a presidential candidate said they wanted to kill someone in a national debate, it did not end well for one Mr. bin Laden. In the backwoods of the Pocono Mountains, the [...]
By Joe “The Nerd” Ferraro WASHINGTON – Representative Todd Akin has been taking heat for his comments about what constitutes rape, but in order to keep Missouri’s female voters on his side, he is opening a radical new front on the war on birth control – although some might call it a political deflection. In a [...]
By Joe “The Nerd” Ferraro ATLANTA — Chick-Fil-A spokescow Spike B’vine has publicly announced she has been in a long term relationship with Doodles the Chicken, who works for the Chick-Fil-A restaurant chain as the logo inside the “C” of “Chick. B’vine, the primary cow holding the “Eat Mor Chikin” signs who helped to r bing [...]
By Joe “The Nerd” Ferraro LONDON – According to the Atlantic Wire, reporters are not allowed to see Ann Romney’s fancy dancing horse, Rafalca, but the blackout may not be for the Olympic preparations that were previously suggested. Originally, the horse was thought to have been kidnapped by Manchester United fans outraged at Mitt Romney’s statements [...]
By Joe “The Nerd” Ferraro Below is a list of preliminary questions that Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum plans to address in the commencement of his 6900 Lecture Series. _________ 6901 – Will President Rick don a cape and a cowl like Batman to start fighting porn? 6902 – Will there be a Department of [...]
By Joe “The Nerd” Ferraro On The Colbert Report last week, Stephen Colbert issued a challenge to his nation (and SuperPac) in the form of populating a Twitter hashtag #PrepareThem: http://tagdef.com/preparethem ”On The Colbert Report Stephen suggested this because when Republicans were accused of using personal attacks, Romney said that it “prepares” us. So send [...]
By Joe “The Nerd” Ferraro SOMEWHERE NEAR GRAND CAYMAN — In a currently classified location, a corps of specially trained auditors is being prepped for the fight of their lives. They are being led by highly trained actuaries with orders to amortize first then ask questions later. (It is a little known fact that actuaries [...]