By J. S. Garner WASHINGTON – Emasculated lawmakers emerged Wednesday from the Congressional hearings on Benghazi after Secretary of State Clinton repeatedly reminded the men on each panel that she makes more money than they do and that she was “just faking it” during the confirmation hearings in 2009. In an unusually high-pitched voice, Sen. [...]
By Rachel Kolman Even though the 2012 election season only recently ended, the buzz for 2016 has already begun, with Hillary Clinton emerging as a potential front-runner for the campaign. According to new Bloomberg survey results, 70% of Americans have a favorable view of Clinton and rate her as a “good” nominee. Reports claim that [...]
By J. Everett Ledeman WASHINGTON — William J. Clinton’s recent speech at the DNC unleashed a massive wave of support for the Democrats, after the former president gave what one spectator, Timothy Hamill, called “The best speech since Ben Hur - and maybe even more awesome than ‘Yes We Can’ and ‘Call Me Maybe’ combined.” Nevertheless, rumors are swirling that [...]
By S.G. Lawrence CHARLOTTE, N.C.— After Democrats reinstated God and Jerusalem back into the Democratic convention platform Wednesday amidst three rounds of boisterous “No” votes and raucous Boos from over half of the Convention’s seated attendees, top Democrat officials decided to take matters by the proverbial “Rahm’s” horns in an effort to restore some semblance of dignity [...]
By Brandon J. Weichert ATLANTA—The Primary Season has long been over and America has settled on two presidential candidates, but many are wondering where some of politics’ biggest stars have been? Well, The Washington Fancy is pleased to report that two of the biggest stars, former President Bill Clinton and former 2012 Republican Presidential Candidate Herman [...]
By Douglas Timothy Sex sells. Just ask Rielle Hunter and Monica Lewinsky, whose reality shows are set to launch in time for the fall election. The CW Television Network now confirms that On the Hunt and The Big Lewinsky will start airing weekly this fall, and will ultimately serve as the lead-ins to Arrow. (Who knew comic book fans could [...]
By Kenny Heidt CARTAGENA – More shocking than Dania Londono Suarez, the woman at the heart of the Secret Service escort scandal, telling ABC news that the men she dealt with were “stupid brutes,” is her revelation to the The Washington Fancy that she preferred the agents that worked for President Bill Clinton. Speaking through a translator, [...]
By Chris McKerracher The following is a transcript of a conversation hacked by Wikileaks and put on the Internet because they can. It is between US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and blind Chinese dissident Chen Guangchen. Chen: Mrs. Clinton! Thank you so much for supporting my efforts of freedom. I am calling to give [...]
By Chris McKerracher WASHINGTON — “Of course it’s a big honor just to be discussed for the position,” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said confidentially to an anonymous friend on Monday over lunch, unaware an un-named British media tycoon had authorized hacking into her phone to record the conversation. “Still, I love the work I [...]
By Chris McKerracher WASHINGTON — If Barack Obama regains the presidency this November, he will officially be looking for a new Secretary of State. Hillary Clinton has announced she will not seek a seat in the upcoming election in order to pursue her dream of joining the Professional Bowlers Circuit. Clinton admitted, with a slight [...]
By Delia Hersh NEW YORK — Only two days after Invisible Children’s video KONY 2012 went viral, charity organizations and politicians around the country are amazed to see that young Americans give a shit. Within twenty-four hours of the video’s appearance on Youtube, college-age Americans in every state were indignantly updating their Facebook profiles, Twitters, and [...]
What is your age group? By Julie Roberts WASHINGTON—Famous lingerie chain Victoria’s Secret has announced that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton will become their brand ambassador and the face of their new collection Bootylicious. The collection is to be presented in the fall 2011 season and is aimed at the “average American sized woman.” No [...]
SOMEWHERE IN BURMA — “I was just trying to see the Burmese python,” said Secretary of State Hilary Clinton. This remark came after Siri, the new talking app on Clinton’s iPhone 4S, misconstrued a direction and accidentally guided the U.S. Secretary of State to Myanmar. “I was at the National Zoo for Zoo lights, pretending [...]
WASHINGTON — Hillary Clinton was rushed to Georgetown University Hospital late Sunday evening after suffering from a mental breakdown. After an anonymous tip was called in to local authorities, Officer Dwight Leram discovered the dazed and confused Clinton dressed in a dirty poncho and Ugg boots. Reports state she was licking a Snicker’s wrapper clearly [...]
LAS VEGAS— People want excitement and can’t help but wonder what would happen if Secretary of State Hillary Clinton ran for president again. In a recent poll by Once In A Lifetime Magazine, Hillary put away her pantsuit and danced her way to the top against all the current GOP front-runners. The contest winners were [...]
[On Wednesday, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made the following statement, characterizing the assassination of Afghani president Hamid Karzai’s half-brother as a sign of progress over the previous decade.] It was with great sadness that I learned of the death of Ahmed Wali Karzai yesterday. My interactions with him were few, but I have friends [...]
