By Chris McKerracher ALEPPO — Forget wagering on soccer matches and executions; the latest fad in the Arab world is creating office and coffee house pools based on Syrian President Bashar al-Assad’s eventual removal from office. Some of these pools are centered on the date of his departure and some by how his removal will [...]
By Brandon J. Weichert ALEPPO/ WASHINGTON – In recent weeks, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad confessed that the Syrian regime did possess Weapons of Mass Destruction, but reassured the international community that he would reserve those “Tools of Liberation only for Godless Foreigners like the Christian Crusaders and Zionist Pigs.” White House Press Secretary Jay Carney [...]
By Chris Todd NEW YORK – In a recent public announcement made to all Syrians, President Bashar Assad apologized for the violence in his recent crackdown against political dissidents, claiming he thought the actions were just part of a really cool Xbox game. “I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for what [...]
By Shaun Kunz DAMASCUS —The UN has responded to the recent violence in Syria by issuing another “Last Chance” warning. After the president was assigned to the corner with the threat of counting to three before he “really gets in trouble,” Bashar Al-Assad replied to the UN saying, “Just be cute and shut up.” Syrian [...]
By Cy Guevara HOMS, SYRIA – The protests of ‘People Against Dictatorships’ known as the Arab Spring that began on Saturday, December 18, 2010 when a young fruit vendor set himself on fire have yielded fruitful results in all but Syria. Syria got a late start in joining the global revolt, starting their protests this [...]
By Chris Todd NEW YORK – A resolution was recently put in front of the United Nations Security Council to officially rebuke the Syrian regime for its violent crackdown on protestors and to promise future sanctions. It was expected to pass easily, since violence against peaceful protestors is typically frowned upon, but Russia teamed up [...]
By Chris Todd NEW YORK – After months of debate on the floor, the UN General Assembly passed a unanimous resolution to delete Syria’s Twitter account in response to the country’s handling of protestors. Such a measure is predicted to cripple Syrian morale, weaken the legitimacy of Syrian President Bashar Assad, and cause Syria to lose [...]
DAMASCUS—Social and political unrest in Syria continues to escalate, and casualities rise each day as President Assad cracks down on protestors with violence. As the world watches the situation move closer to a full-blown civil war, it has reacted by condemning Assad’s actions both very quietly and politely. “We will not stand for ANY kind [...]
By Stephen Brady DAMASCUS — In what has become the fourth uprising in the last year to occur in a Middle Eastern country, Syria has recently become embroiled in a struggle to reform its current authoritarian regime and implement a democratic style of government. Many analysts are stunned, but the United States’ National Weather Service has [...]
DAMASCUS — Bashar al-Assad – Syrian President, outspoken critic of Western diplomacy, and exemplar of a fine pencil-thin mustache, the likes of which haven’t been seen since Gomez Adams – made some serious headlines when he said that he would now be open to starting some dialogue with those opposed to his offensive regime. Astoundingly [...]
DAMASCUS – Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad today apologized for the recent violent reprisals against protesters in his country, blaming errant typos in his memos to security forces. “I am such a scatter-brain,” Al-Assad said laughing nervously at a press conference. “I meant to type “chill” and I wrote “kill” by accident. I wanted my forces [...]